28 – The Netherlands
Guidance, sparring partner and the steadiness of a rock during a day of many things. These words ring in my head, when thinking back of my latest experience with Ben, while the ayahuasca was surging through my body.
To start off, it was much more than just the day of the actual ayahuasca ceremony. The topic first came up after having some meaningful conversations over a coffee or two. Ben shared his interest in the way ayahuasca can be used as a tool to do some soul searching and I could and can connect to his point of view. This started a series of events in which he prepared me for the day which we both agreed upon to do the ceremony, by telling me about the nature of the compound and referring to his website with practical information on how to ready yourself.
So, this is what I did: I followed his advice and used some time to rehash old ideas, thoughts and feelings. Write, reflect and try to clear my mind on personal issues: trying to clarify a central question that I have at the current time.
Ben helped to remind me and stay focused, answering questions that came along the way, installing thrust and peace of mind throughout the process.
A little more than a week before the event I started with the diet, detoxing the body so to speak. It became another example of how you’re exercising yourself to focus both mentally and physically, which I can recommend dearly (although not too frequently, as it’s also boring as hell).
Given this situation I felt very calm and relaxed going into the whole thing. I felt ready and well prepared.
And then, a day or so before the ayahuasca thing, I felt not! My mind went to wander, about all sorts of things and I felt off. Almost wanted to cancel the whole thing really.
So I called Ben, asking to meet up and talk these feelings through. In summary, my conversation with him reinstated my primary drive and gave me the old and familiar sense of calm and I felt secure again to continue with it all. I needed a mirror to reflect and he provided it, which I’m still grateful for.
The day itself was set up nicely. We drove to a family house of his, which has a quiet and relaxed atmosphere. After showing me around to get familiar with the place he prepared a fire, some music and set the shop up. We sat down over tea and he instructed me further on how to drink the ayahuasca.
It would take two installments, drinking a brown clear fluid that didn’t taste too bad and a more earthy muddy drink, which I would describe as bitter and grainy.
The bodily sensations took getting used to, as the sensation stuck to my stomach and interfered with a sense of wooziness: comparable to compounds that alter one’s sense of perception and time. I fell into moments of inward thoughts and feelings at times and spoke both clear and gibberish to Ben during the event, wandered around the house and felt secure and guarded by him the entire time. He asked if needed and wrote or read by himself when I was lost in my own thoughts. We ate a light meal together afterwards and reflected on the experience.
Overall an intense day, but more than anything it felt really good and effective. Ayahuasca feels like exercise to me, to stretch the mind and what not, a tool to break through certain issues at hand but also as a reminder to continue with personal growth and progress afterwards by yourself.
Ben proved to be a great and reliable guide. He offered me steadiness, was calm and thrust-worthy when a jolt to the system hit me. I would do it all over, will again in the future and recommend his guidance if needed or wanted.