33 – Germany
I have heard of Ayahuasca from friends before and also saw some documentaries. I had the feeling that I want to try it myself sometime, but it was not before Ben told me he is an Aya guide that I felt the urge to go for it finally.
I arrived in Amsterdam a couple of days before the planned ceremony and stuck to the diet Ben wrote me in advance, which in itself already felt like an accomplishment and also like it indeed is an important thing to do for preparation. I still needed to do some work the days, but I would not necessarily recommend this in hindsight and instead go for some relaxation.
We took off to the family house on Saturday morning, and it was quite rainy that day. On the way, we collected some wood and food for the evening. I felt excited, happy, and unknowing what will come to me. After firing up the oven and getting comfortable in the barn, Ben explained to me how the ceremony would take place. Now that it was finally time, I started to feel a bit anxious but also comfortable with Ben as the guide on my side.
We started with a small dose to see how it works, and the first round of the ceremony was very pleasurable. My vision started to change, and I felt kind of high, getting giggly and all. I had a very smooth ride and was feeling very happy and comfortable during the whole first journey. I also went outside, as the weather became sunny, and I felt an urge to connect to the earth and feeling the soil and grass under my feet. There was a little bank I could sit and look into the sky and sun, and I felt thrilled and in line with my existence and a connection to the world. My feeling for time was off, so I am not sure how long the first round lasted, but I returned to the present at some point, still feeling very happy and joyful.
Ben and I went through what I experienced, and he took his time to talk through the ride. As everything was smooth, we went into the second round of ceremony with an increased dosage. At that moment was when I was able to get an understanding of how powerful the medicine can be, as this time, the effect was much stronger. My feeling for size was off, as the house became a huge temple, and my surroundings were extraordinarily bright and colorful. The music was a perfect companion, Ben created a unique playlist specifically for me, and it added a lot to the overall experience as I felt it everywhere around and in me, somehow like I never experienced music before, very ceremonial and ritualistic. I couldn’t tell where it came from. The second round also lasted much longer, at least in my experience, and I was going back and forth between being at the house and traveling to another place, not necessarily as a single being, in a different state of mind. The visuals were much stronger, and it was more challenging to hold on to specific thoughts as they were coming and going without me having a real say in it. It felt to me as I did not want to fully let go of my anchor into reality, though, which was a familiar feeling and also a significant theme that Aya was showing me. I did experience moments of being connected to everything, with my head opening up to my surroundings and the universe. This feeling was compelling, but at other times I felt something holding me back and also some fear. Luckily Ben was there to calm me down then.
After fully returning to the present, we had a meal together and talked about the second journey. Among other things, we realized that I was still a smoker. Ben explained to me thoroughly what effects smoking can have in the brain and also in connection with Aya, which ultimately made me quit that day! The overall journey gave me a lot of food for thought while also showing me the things I seem to be doing right already, where I am on the right path.
During the following night, I woke up at 3 am and was able to note down many useful thoughts and things I became aware of all at once. This processing was also very intense but also enjoyable and, for me, added a lot to the experience. The upcoming days were still shaped by the experiences I made in the barn, in the right way, and I did not experience any physical issues but was quite relaxed.
All in all, I am thrilled I went on the journey with Ben as my guide, as he was super caring and took the time to be there for me. I thank him a lot and will have another ceremony in a year or so after the effects of being a smoker are out of my system ? I would recommend choosing Ben as one’s Ayahuasca guide every time!